Eminently Respectable Capers by Tony Brennan

Author:Tony Brennan [Brennan, Tony]
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3
Publisher: Vivid Publishing
Published: 2018-01-15T23:00:00+00:00

DÉJÀ VU

While most people agreed that Charles Cardinal York – the Archbishop of the city – was, well … slightly eccentric, those few persons who had the opportunity to actually know him, were also aware that the cardinal had a wickedly, ‘child-like’ sense of humour. Hidden within his episcopal breast, he had a highly developed sense of the ridiculous, but through severe discipline, restraint and training, he managed to present to the world, a picture of unruffled seriousness and dignity.

However, from time to time the ridiculous came bubbling up, seemingly unstoppable, within the old man, and he sought ways to express this – when he could get away with it – in an unconventional manner.

Thus, when he was notified, by diplomatic post straight from Rome, that his long suffering secretary and master of ceremonies, Father Sammy Spotels, was to be elevated to the hierarchy, the cardinal’s first thought was, the method, he could use to inform Sammy – of whom he had grown fond over the years they had been together – in an amusing and unusual manner.

The letter from Rome informed the cardinal, the announcement had to be kept ‘in petto’ until a certain date, ten days hence. Only then, would the cardinal be free to inform Father Spotels of his promotion, and inform the press that his secretary was to receive a mitre.

This gave the cardinal a leeway of ten days, to decide on his plan. His mind ranged over a ‘Blimp’ flying through the air, trailing a huge message behind it. Or, perhaps, a surprise raid from the Terrorist Squad on Sammy – he could give them a fake ‘tip-off’, and they could use it as a practice exercise. Or, perhaps, a funny cartoon in the National newspapers with Sammy struggling – with his prize-fighter’s face, and in his boxing gear – to pull off a ‘too-tight’ mitre.

None of the ideas really pleased Charles. He went for a walk around his beloved city, and looked for inspiration into shop windows. This was unproductive, until he reached a certain window which only featured a beautifully presented sign, together with a large picture of a Gorilla.

The cardinal stopped dead in his tracks. A ‘Gorilla-gram’ – the very thing! Charles peered at the sign, but was exasperated to discover he had left his reading glasses at home! He couldn’t read the print without them. However, that wasn’t going to stop him now he had the idea. He entered the shop and said simply: “I want one. I don’t care what it costs, but I want one; it must be delivered on the 20th of this month.”

The two people behind the desk, staring into their computers, looked up at their customer in amazement. They recognized him immediately – he had been in the city forever.

They were surprised at this request from a cardinal of the Church, but if he could pay for it; that really was all that mattered – they thought it was all a pretty silly advertising gimmick anyhow.

They mentioned the price to the cardinal, and he blinked.

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